Will you blow on my dice?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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