This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
