Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
