I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
