Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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