I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
