on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
