I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
