I think im going to throw up on grandma
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My feet surprised me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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