How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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