he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
