the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
