He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
