We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
