Your face is a jimmy john
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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