On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you had me at cake vodka
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize