dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
