Just cropdusted the office
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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