somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
