Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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