The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
