my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
