After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
