No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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