Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
