i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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