even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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