Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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