PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
