party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Randomize
