im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
