where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
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Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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