NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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