the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I want her autograph on my taint
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
