I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
