Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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