ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
