Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
