Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
