we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
