nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
