you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
