just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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