doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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