You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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