God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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