she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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