We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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