Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
