Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
