After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
