I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
