Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's like iHOP with fire
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
