Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
