I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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