I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
