oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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